3 Ways My Grandma Protects Herself In Case of a Home Invasion

3 Ways My Grandma Protects Herself In Case of a Home Invasion

1) She barricades the front door with a rocking chair to reinforce it in case someone tries to break it down.

2) She puts glass bottles in front of the back door so if someone sneaks in while she’s sleeping they’ll fall over and wake her up. It doesn’t work. I’ve tried it.

3) She keeps household weapons under her mattress like a kitchen knife and a screwdriver (I don’t know for sure how she was planning to use that on an attacker, but the words “eye gouge” come to mind) and sometimes she even gathers weapons from nature such as large sticks.

I think she might be practicing for when the Koreans invade.

Post-Christmas

I could really use that Defense Mechanism right about now. I think the Devil himself let me have a Merry Christmas so I would let my guard down and he could smack me right in the face the next day without me seeing it coming through all my after-Christmas bliss. Well, if I’m being completely honest I pretty much smacked myself in the face, metaphorically. Not that I don’t deserve a literal one.

I lost someone a lot of money just because I didn’t want to deal with customer service and thought I had more time to cancel a free trial. I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to anyone. I’ll probably feel bad about it for the rest of my life and I’m not exaggerating. You have no idea how long I can be guilty about something for. I mean I still feel bad about that one time I let my friend spend his last five dollars to buy me a Starbucks (I don’t think straight when it comes to Starbucks) and that happened years ago.

You can go ahead and roll your eyes at me. I deserve it.

My Merry Christmas

You should know that I’ve never been much of a Christmas person. I don’t hate it, but I could always take it or leave it. Defense Mechanism? Maybe. This Christmas was different though. I got to buy gifts for my family. Something I was never at liberty to do before and I bought it with my own money. Well, kinda. I bought it with money that I got as a Christmas present from someone else. That counts though, right? It felt good to be able to get them something and I think I’m pretty good at buying gifts for people. My little sisters seemed happy with their gifts as far as I could tell. A Duck Dynasty poster for the older one and a piggy bank with the words “Little Rebel” on the side for my baby sister. Speaking of my baby sister, there’s something about spending Christmas with a three year old. You see Christmas through their eyes: magical. Her running around calling everyone a Scalawag helped too.

So all and all, it was the best Christmas we’ve had in awhile. I got a new blow dryer, a twenty dollar gift card to Wal-mart, got to see the looks on my family members’ faces when they opened up the presents I got for them, and I also cut several inches off of my hair when I started to get bored.

Tomorrow I’m going to Wal-mart to spend that 20 dollars on office supplies. Yeah, I know. What eighteen year old goes and spends Christmas money on office supplies? This one!

Don’t roll your eyes at me!

Disillusioned

Today was a weird one. I found out a lot about other people and myself that really knocked me off balance. First off, my mom was watching that new movie, Jobs and she told me that when Steve Jobs was 23 he abandoned his girlfriend when she got pregnant. You know how they say, “Don’t meet your heroes.” Well, here’s a new one for you. Don’t watch movies based on your heroes’ lives either. He eventually fessed up to being the father and got involved in his daughter’s life, but growing up without a dad for any period of time can really mess a person up. I know that they managed to repair their relationship, but if I was her, I’d probably be dealing with some permanent abandonment issues. I still respect everything that Jobs accomplished, but I won’t think of him with quite the same reverie as before.

The thing I discovered about myself is that I’m probably the worst gift wrapper that ever lived. I got home today with the presents that I bought for my family and I was so excited to wrap them. I hadn’t gift wrapped in years and I remembered it being fun. Well, my memory lied.  Not just about it being fun, but also about me being any good at it. I could have sworn that I was the world’s most kick ass gift wrapper. I got home ready to break out my gift wrapping prowess, but it got chaotic fast, with most of my little sister’s Jack and the Neverland Pirates gift wrapping paper ending up crumpled up on the floor because the pieces I kept cutting were too small. That was only after I finished wrapping two gifts.

Don’t roll your eyes at me!

Intro

Hello, the name is Liz and my mind is full of likes and hates that contradict each other. For example, I have to balance an unhealthy obsession for cheesy romantic comedies and the bloodier the better action movies. I don’t like to complain about how hard my life is because every time I do I just hear “starving children in third world countries” repeating over and over in my head. (Doesn’t everybody?) But it’s pretty freaking hard to be me. Do you know what’s it like to have two completely different sides of yourself that they put you on the fence about almost everything? Please tell me you do because it would be nice to know that I’m not alone. Reading this over I feel like I’m describing a case of multiple personality disorder. I know that crazy people don’t generally know whether they’re insane or not, but I do know that I only have one voice in my head: mine and it’s already more than I can handle. Sure, some people think I talk to myself, but it’s called THINKING OUT LOUD.

Don’t roll your eyes at me!